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“That’s not 10 inches.”

“In Kigali on Grindr looking to hook up, I find a white French bubblebutt twink who says he’s looking for Western BBC. My profile says 10 inch dick and he looks at it and goes, ‘That’s not 10 inches.’ (Apparently this man is a César Millán ‘Dick Whisperer’ who can measure from a photo.) I’m pissed at his accusation because I know how big I am: I measured in my teens and 20’s. I just turned 40 and I know my shit. He says he’s still DTF. I show up to his place and he’s there on the bed ass up, but I want to get to first things first. I unzip and say, ‘It’s big right?!’ He says, ‘Yes and I want it… It’s just not 10 inches.’ He actually had measuring tape in his sex bag! I was astonished to find out my dick measured nine inches. We fuck anyway and he tells me, ‘Your dick is amazing, you don’t have to be a liar like the other guys.’ Weeks later he texts me saying he has an STD (‘Don’t worry, it’s curable!’ he follows up). He’s on PREP, and says I should get checked out to be safe. Next day, I get bumps on my stomach and a penis ulcer that hurts on my dick. I go to my (gay personal friend) doctor, tell him everything, and I find out I’ve got molluscum contagiosum and chancroid. I also found out my dick did actually get smaller—because I got fatter. My weight gain that was making me a sexy bear daddy turned out to be a ticking time bomb for my blood pressure and heart that could kill me. A year later I lost 50 lbs, my health is better than ever before, the STDs are cured, and my dick is back to 10 inches. Long live the king and God save all the size queen twinks!”

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